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[gta1969]

auch:pilot: hinweis auf undichte stelle an der rechten seitemechaniker: hinweis entfernt ...

[Kaule]

Pilot: vordere Reifen müssen fast erneuert werdenMechaniker: vordere Reifen fast erneuert

[borgi]

Anzeige in der Zeitung: Halb Köln ist Doof!Geforderter Widerruf: Halb Köln ist nicht Doof!

[dominik]

Zitat:Original erstellt von Gordon: [...]Ich habe noch mehr davon Dann lass mal schnellstens rüberwachsen! Ist genau meine Art von Humor GrussDominik

[Zoe]

Guck hier: http://www.eddh.de/unterhaltung/humor.html Zoe

[Matra-Roman]

Tower an Piloten:Wo ist Ihre Position?Pilot:Ich sitze vorne links...GrußRoman

[Knochentreter]

Captain der dreistrahligen United DC-10:"Chicago, requesting priority, I'm coming in on two engines."Privatpilot einer Cessna 152 darauf:"Chicago, I'm coming in on one!"Ach ja, und die Cessna erhielt den Vorrang, der Typ eine saftige Verwaltungsstrafe...

[matthias_p]

Zitat:Original erstellt von Rene E:Der Witz hat auf jeden Fall ein H-Kennzeichen verdient(Und aus dem Keller hörte man das monotone stampfen der Bartwickelmaschine)In eBay werden auch schon mal Bartwickelmaschinen mit Lagerschaden angeboten. Gruß MP

[vince158]

Hier, bestimmt schon 10 Jahre alt, aber immer wieder lustig:PILOT-TOWER-DIALOGEAlle Funk-Stories sind aus verschiedenen Ausgaben desFliegerMagazins unter dem Thema "Rodscher" (Wahre Begebenheiten!!) erschienen: Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16."Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm - and by the way: this is Wien Tower."Pilot: (Nach einer Denkpause) "Bratsilava Tower, OscarOscar Kilo passed the outer marker."Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you areapproaching Vienna!" Pilot: (Nach einer Denkpause) "Confirm, this is NOTBratislava?" Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!" Pilot: (Nach einer erneuten Pause) "But why? We want to goto Bratislava, not to Vienna!" Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turnleft 030 and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tower: "Delta Delta Whiskey, rollen Sie uer Teerweg zwonull neun Charlie und Mike zum GAT." Pilot: "Aeh...Teerweg zwo...?" Tower: "Das ist der kleine rechts. Sie sind gerade dranvorbeigerollt." Pilot: "Sorry." Tower: "Don't worry, nehmen Sie den Mike" Pilot: "Aeh, ...Mike "? Tower: "Das ist der letzte ganz hinten rechts..."--------------------------------------------------------------------- Pilot: "Condor 471, gibt's hier keinen Follow-me ?" Tower: "Negativ, sehen Sie mal zu, wie Sie allein zum Gate10 kommen." Pilot: "...Tower, please call me a fuel truck." Tower: "Roger. You are a fuel truck."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Phantom-Formation crossing controlzone withoutclearance, state your callsign !" Pilot: "I'm not silly..."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170knots." Pilot: "Das ist ja wie in Frankfurt. Da gibt's auch nur 210und 170 Knoten... Aber wir sind ja flexibel." Controller: "Wir auch. Reduce to 173 knots."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "RFG 312, fliegen Sie direkt nach Olno VOR.Brauchen Sie einen Radar-Vektor ?" Pilot: "Nein, es geht auch so, wir koennen das VOR schonempfangen. Es liegt genau in der Richtung, wo der Mond steht." Controller: "Ja, aber den haben wir nicht auf demRadarschirm."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Pilot: "Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up." Ground: "Sorry, XY-line 195, we don't have your flightplan. What is your destination?" Pilot: "Wie jeden Montag, nach Leipzig." Ground: "Aber, wir haben heute Dienstag!" Pilot: "WAS? Am Dienstag haben wir doch frei!"---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaringemergency about two hours ago ?" Pilot: "Negativ, Sir. It's only the same pilot."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Pilot: "Tower, da brennt ein Runway-light." Lotse: "Ichhoffe, da brennen mehrere". Pilot: "Sorry, ich meine, es qualmt."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and reportyour heading." Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tower: "Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway." Pilot: "Roger, we'll check the car on the runway."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Delta Romeo Zulu, confirm you are inbound toSulz NDB?" Pilot: "Affirm, but we don't receive it."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Delta Oscar Mike, squawk 0476." Pilot: "Say again." Controller: "Squawk 0476." Pilot: "Four, zero...? " Controller: "Wollen Sie'n leichteren haben ?"---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Delta Bravo Charlie, ist Ihr Squawk wirklichsieben null vier sechs?" Pilot: "Positiv." Controller: "Ich mag's kaum glauben, Sie haben eineangezeigte Hoehe von minus neunzig Fuss."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to sixthousand and maintain." Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100." Controller: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 andmaintain." Pilot: "Aber vier plus sechs ist doch zehn, oder?" Controller: "Sie sollen steigen, nicht addieren."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "DE..., fliegen Sie weiter im Gegenanflug fuerdie 26, Landenummer 2 hinter einer DC 9 im kurzen Endteil." Pilot: "Verstanden, fliege weiter fuer die 29 und folge derDC 6." Controller: "Nicht ganz richtig: Die Landebahn war 26 undIhr Verkehr eine DC 9." Pilot: "Okay, ich folge der DC 26... Wie war die Landebahn?"---------------------------------------------------------------------- Hubschrauber-Lehrer (zu seinem Flugschueler): "Sehen Sie zu, dass Sie innerhalb der betonierten Flaechebleiben." Und nach ein paar Minuten: "Ach wass, bleiben Sie wenigstens in der Bundesrepublik! "---------------------------------------------------------------------- In Memoriam Muenchen-Riem, wo gleichzeitig eine TB10 aufder 25R und eine 737 auf der 25L landeten. Pilot der 737: "War das jetzt eine Formationslandung ?" Tower: "Nee. Formationsflug ist's ja nur, wenn ihr aufderselben Bahn landet. Aber sah trotzdem gut aus. Ausserdem: die Bahnensind ja zwei Kilometer auseinander, da kann nichts passieren." 737-Pilot beim Rollen auf dem Taxiway: "Ist das nichtkomisch? Die Bahnen sind doch hoechstens 200 Meter auseinander!?" Tower: "Natuerlich! Ein Bayer haett' das schon laengstgemerkt."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Pilot: "Frankfurt Information, hier Delta Bravo Zulu. Wirsind jetzt ueber Dinkelsbuehl in Flugflaeche 95." Controller: "Sie sollten doch Muenchen Information rufen!" Pilot: "Ja, weiss ich, aber bei Ihnen gefaellt mir dasProgramm besser."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Controller: "Flamingo 019, do you have a "Springbock" insight, twelve o'clock five miles crossing from left to right " Pilot: "If you mean a 737...?" Controller: "Yeah, you got it, you got it!"---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tower: "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will parkyou." Pilot: "Roger. Looking out for John Wayne."---------------------------------------------------------------------- Muenchen II Tower: "LH

[Gordon]

Zitat:Original erstellt von dominik: Dann lass mal schnellstens rüberwachsen! Ist genau meine Art von Humor GrussDominikDein Wunsch ist mir Befehl. Also hier der Rest vomAirline Humor..."There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...""We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.""Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."And, after landing: "Thank you for flying with us today. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of thepassengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendantannounced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a major airline announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.""Welcome aboard... To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.""Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than this airline.""Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."Once on a U.S. flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'mturning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.""Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.""As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything leftbehind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.""Last one off the plane must clean it."And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"Just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't theflight attendants' fault... It was the asphalt!"An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks forflying with us." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking thepassengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or werewe shot down?"After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."Part of a Flight Attendants arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll join us again." Gordon